In the words of incomparable Emily Dickinson, "Forever is composed of nows."

I still have much to do before I open my eyes and let my sensibility rule. I do something new almost everyday, even if its just taking a new route or forcing myself to listen to different types of music. I'm young, so I'm still looking for an extreme heart pounding adventure, something that I can recount later down the road.

There's still a lot of other daredevil things I'd like to experience.

1. rock climb
2. go to racing school

Come on! What thrill are you seeking?

I've been exercising my so-called natural inclination to destroy things, at least taking apart the life that I built here. So today's agenda centered around demolition. I shredded old papers and documents, reducing the size of my wardrobe (for charity) and well just contemplating on how to keep things simply.

Well, since I'm on the topic of destruction, here are some of my positive expressions of destruction: I like to cook things from scratch (even if it means that I have to butcher a whole chicken), I making collages out of clippings, and also I like drinking hard liquor (on occasion, mind you) with friends. I know they sound like their minor expressions of destruction, but I hope to one day learn to fire a gun, or even get back to doing martial arts. Something new that borders violent, something that will allow me to vent.

What are your positive expressions of destruction? That is, what are some of the things that you do when you're mad at someone or something?

Sylvia Plath once said to Ted Hughes, her husband, that she realized that the two of them were two halves that had two empty gaping holes. Incomplete without the other.
I've always been one to preach that each person is still a whole to the other, but thinking about it now, I realize that I'm a half of something beautiful.

We're something that time and distance put together with individual personalities, shared good times, and hardships.

Leave it to Sylvia Plath, that haunting beautiful soul, to share her views of love and make it ring some sense in my head.

In a world jaded and befuddled with their contrasting views of love and relationships, are you a half waiting to be whole (or have been made whole) OR just whole from beginning to end?

my walking girl


The picture above was an awesome find I made while on my many momentous art gallery visits.
As any magnetic piece of artwork does, I was pulled in and was reminded of my vagabond self.

I take long walks with music playing in my ears and my feet hitting the pavement. For a while, I'm part of the crowd, not being anyone in particular. Just ordinary ol' me with one foot in front of the other.

Sometimes I know where I'm headed, sometimes I don't.

The haphazardness of being out and about brings out the allure and mystery of a city, of its people, of me. We're not all perfect in the way we look, but the stories we guard on our way to work or on our way home, to the bar, to the store, or wherever must be bitterly tragic or maybe no where near that. Who really knows what anyone thinks?

Its being among people, strangers or not, that makes my walks worthwhile.

Do you like walking? What do you enjoy most about it? And if you don't walk, what do you enjoy out of your rides to and from points A and B?

We all want what we can't have. That kind of untouchable that moves us to speak and strive for the past. A past that can't be forgotten, placed in a box, and buried. For often times, we want that out of place thoughtfulness, that from the gut laughter, that signature smile that used to happen so naturally.
Now, with steps already taken and hearts anew, we turn back anyways. Looking for the days when, the remember how moments that we want repeated-- in same context in the same fast food joint at the same ordinary faded out moment. Can it be so?

I unregretfully revisited one former relationship that I thought was over but refused to believe that it had ended. Upon this revisit, I realized that we had both changed and the past was just that the past. Things that were unsaid were spoken, and, alas, what should've been done then came to a finish. Beautifully enough, I am with that person again and was glad he and I made amends for the past faults.

I didn't try this with the other exes that I've had. The friendships that I made while being in relationships with them cannot be revived, not after the hurtful breakups.

"All histories, tarnished or not, are always untouchable. Its the memories we make with the ones by our sides that matters now."
-polishedvisage 2/22/04

Do you believe in second chances with exes? Do you think exes can still be friends?